Hades Is Such A Great Neighbor
by RainbowBob
Summary: Tartarus. A burning plane of existence made to punish the damned and evil, and leader of this pit of hellfire is Hades, God of the Underworld. With his plan to rule Olympus and destroy Hercules down the tube, he needs a new goal in his un-life. And since he needs to buy some groceries, Ponyville seems like the perfect place to go shopping. Looks like we have a new neighbor in town.
1. Chapter 1: Out of Pudding

The Underworld. A pit deep in the center of existence that burns with the hellfire of billions of damned souls. Here they get tortured, punished for their crimes on the mortal plane. Their souls shall suffer for all of eternity in this dank hole of sin, properly called Tartarus, with no hope or chance of redemption. A pitiful fate for even the most heinous of villains. And of course, the biggest villain of them all runs the place.

"Will you two SHUT UP?" Hades, Lord of Death yelled, his normally pale blueish gray skin turning a crimson red and his blue flamed hair bursting into a hot yellow inferno. The two in question for that order, Pain and Panic, properly cowered before their master.

"So sorry, master! Please don't boil us in oil!" Pain cried, his bulbous, short body jiggling in fear.

"Or pour scorpions down our throats!" Panic added in, his thin body shaking like a tree in a hurricane.

"Or throw us in a lava pit!"

"Or have our eyes plucked out by harpies!"

"Or have an ensemble of demons bludgeon us with rubber chickens!"

"Or-"

"**DID YOU NOT HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME? SHUT UP!**" Hades bellowed with an inferno blasting off his body, the entire Underworld rumbling from the power of his voice. Both of his minions promptly fell silent; Panic huddled in Pain's arms as the two discreetly backed away.

Hades sighed and fell in the seat of his throne, his raging red skin and yellow flames dying down to their normal blue and gray hues. Rubbing the bridge of his brow, he thought back on why he was living such a miserable existence. Okay, so his plans to take over Olympus failed... yet again. So did his plans to kill that damn hero, Hercules. Their last showdown resulted in him being thrown into the River Styx. That was not a pleasant experience. Took him forever to drag himself out of that, and now he was just doing his job of ruling the Underworld.

"And I'm so bored," Hades said, finishing his own thoughts. "Nothing to do but torture souls. And make insidious plans." Hades did indeed have a couple of new ideas for his comeback to Olympus and his eventual ruling of it, but none of them especially tickled his fancy. What he needed was a grand, spectacular plan. Though, releasing the Titans last time was going to be hard to beat.

Deciding that maybe some food could help him think, he got out of his throne and made his way to his refrigerator. While he didn't need food to survive because of his god status, the taste of mortal delicacies was always a nice treat. Opening it, he started moving the assorted foodstuff in search for something appealing. "Pickles? Nah. Let's see... ugh, how long has this cheese been here?" He inspected the green monstrosity in his fingers, the dairy product wiggling and moving as if it was alive. Which it probably was at this point.

"Nope," he said, tossing the cheese over his shoulder as he dug deeper in the fridge. "Week old Chinese food? Not going to happen. Potato salad? Not one this color." He continued his search, until he'd thrown out practically all the contents of his fridge, most of the discarded food crawling or slithering away.

"Why is there nothing to eat?" he yelled, furious he couldn't even enjoy a bite of food. "And where's my pudding cups? I specifically remember getting some only a week ago!"

A slight cough from his left brought his gaze to Pain and Panic, both who were whistling innocently with their hands behind their backs. If they weren't imps, a halo could have appeared above their heads.

Crossing his arms, he approached the duo, his robe trailing smoke as he moved toward them without taking a step. Towering over the short, fat Pain and the thin, long nosed Panic, he leaned forward and said, "What happened to my pudding cups?"

Both imps nearly shook out of their skin (which had happened on occasion), both too terrified out of their minds to speak. It was Panic who finally broke their silence by pointing a twig-like arm at Pain. "He did it! I mean, look at him! He's so fat he probably ate all of them!"

The fat one being accused leapt back and pointed his own finger at Panic. "That is a lie! It was obviously him! His mouth is big enough to swallow an entire sea of pudding!"

Panic's pointy nose poked Pain's face as he brought his eyeballs close to Pain's. "Says you, fatso!"

Pain returned the stare and leaned even closer, their eyeballs practically fondling each other. "Says you, bigmouth!"

"Lard butt!"

"Pencil nose!"

"Potbelly!"

"Twig boy!"

Hades grabbed the pair by their necks, their eyeballs nearly popping out of their heads as their throats were squeezed like wet sponges. "Listen, I don't care who ate my pudding cups. I really don't. Whoever admits to doing it gets off scot-free, okay?" Hades said to the pair, giving the duo a devious, sharp-toothed grin. He loosened his grip on their necks so that they may speak.

Glancing at each other for a moment in frantic terror, they yelled, "We both did it!"

Hades nodded his head. "Thought so." He then began to twist their necks and bodies together, the pair of imps now resembling a pretzel. "Hey Cerberus, who wants a treat?" he called to the guard dog. The demonic three-headed canine brought his attention from guarding the entrance to the Underworld to the new toy presented before him.

All three of the dog's heads barked happily as Hades threw his new chew toy to him. "You said we'd get off scot-free!" Pain and Panic yelled just before the maw of teeth devoured them.

"I lied!" he laughed, enjoying the sounds of their screams as Cerberus tore them apart. They'd be fine afterward, but to hear their shrieks of pain always put a smile on the Lord of Death's face. Walking past Cerberus and his new toy, he sauntered his way through Tartarus, taking in the sights. Maybe he'd even go out to buy some groceries. And pudding cups.

The lava pits were burning nicely, the wicked being pushed deeper in the magma by the pitchforks of some worker demons. At the hills he could watch souls push a large boulder up a hill everyday only for it to fall to the bottom once it was reached the top, the process beginning anew once again. Then there was the River Styx...

Hades chose to avoid that section of the Underworld. After his previous visit there, resulting in that hero Hercules punching him into the vortex, he didn't even go near it. The icy pull of millions of souls dragging him beneath the surface was a really unpleasant incident, even for the Lord of Death himself. It took an eternity to pull himself out, and he spent another eternity beating the crap out of Pain and Panic for leaving him there.

He neared the edge of the Underworld now, the border marked by the River Styx. He briefly considered going back to Greece, but threw that plan out. "Like I'd want to return to those ingrates. When I make my grand arrival, all of Olympus will tremble before my might!" Hades shouted, his arms spread wide as he did the stereotypical villain laugh. He stopped when he realized no one was around and he was laughing like a maniac all by himself. Oh yeah, he had left Pain and Panic with Cerberus.

His expression turned somber and he slouched forward as he floated above the river and crossed it, the pained cries of souls in agony beneath him comforting him slightly. The edge of the River Styx appeared close, and Hades wondered what world he would appear in this time. He was the Lord of Death for all of existence, meaning he had quite the vicinity of death to cover. And since he wasn't returning to Greece, whatever world on the other side would be completely random. "Hope they at least have pudding," Hades muttered.

He set his foot on the other side of the river, his body passing the glowing force field of light that marks the entrance to the living world. Stepping onto the mortal plane once more, Hades cracked his neck and knuckles, shouting, "Oh yeah, baby! It's good to be back!"

He walked toward the cave exit, the light at the end showing this world's time was somewhere in the afternoon to early evening range. He never really bothered to know the time in the Underworld, since it was always dark with no way to discern the days, months, eons. Finally reaching the light and flinching at its brightness, Hades entered this new world.

It was... sunny. And happy looking. There was a field of flowers growing nearby, the breeze causing petals to float through the air. A grassy meadow spread out before him, with a small orchard nearby filled to the brim with ripe fruit. The sky was a rich blue, not a cloud in the sky. "The hell type of sunny-fun nightmare did I come into?" Hades asked himself, the contrast of the Underworld with... this world a major turn off.

A couple of birds tweeted nearby and landed on his shoulders. A few seconds later they fell to the ground, crispy and charred black. "Well, I do need groceries," Hades said, a small basket in the shape of a skull appearing in his hand, summoned by his powers. Straining his eyes, he spotted smoke in the distance. "Ah, a town! They must have food!" And with that the God of the Underworld drifted toward the small town, a trail of smoke coming off his robe following him.

* * *

"Ugh, Twilight, how much longer?" Spike complained, the small purple dragon lugging a small pack on his back.

"I answered that only five seconds ago," Twilight reminded him, the mare carrying a saddle filled to the brim with supplies. "Right after we get one last item at the market."

"But I thought we already got everything?" Spike asked her.

"Not everything. Once we get some eggs, we'll go back to the library. Think you can handle that?" she asked, a small smile on her lips daring him to answer differently.

Grumbling under his breath and shifting his pack in a more comfortable position on his back, he answered, "Fine."

Grinning in triumph, the pair made their way to the market to get eggs, the unicorn enjoying the stroll as her assistant silently pouted. Twilight was in such a happy mood she didn't even notice the ponies running away in fear all around her. Or the ones who screamed in shock. Or even one particular mare that kept on shouting, "Run, run for your lives! All hope is lost!" Nope, Twilight was thoroughly enjoying this stroll to the market all right.

Unfortunately for her, she bumped into a tall figure in her way when she wasn't paying attention, falling to her rump while Spike crashed into her back. Rubbing her head, she said, "Oh, sorry about that. I didn't see—" But her sentence was cut off when she brought her attention to the stranger she had walked into.

He was a tall, bipedal creature with large muscles. She guessed it was a he, just by facial features alone. A long chin, pointy nose, furrowed brow, and a mouth filled with razor sharp teeth. And strangely enough, his head was on fire. It's like all his hair had been replaced with blue flames. His skin was a strange hue of light grayish blue, and his robes developed into smoke at the bottom.

Hades examined the creature that had bumped into him. The moment he had entered the town they all ran in fright, so he didn't really get a good look at them. It was a small... horse thingy. A unicorn by the looks of it. That itself wasn't quite strange, since Hades had seen plenty of unicorns in his existence. But this one was purple, had the strangest hair color and style he had ever seen, and it was hyperventilating.

Shaking in her hooves, Twilight squeaked, "—you."

So, they can talk, huh? And it was apparently a female, or a really effeminate male. Tapping his elongated chin with a sharp finger in thought, he leaned forward with a wicked smile on his face as his hand extended forward. "Name's Hades, Lord of the Dead. Hi, how ya doin'?"


	2. Chapter 2: Greetings

"L—L—lord of the D—Dead?" Twilight stuttered, staring with unnaturally wide eyes at the hand presented to her.

"Um, yeah," Hades said with a frown, his hand still held out. "I said that five seconds ago. You have short term memory loss or something?"

"N—N—No," she said, her heart threatening to burst from her chest. Hesitantly, she reached her hoof out, the limb shaking so much it nearly leaped out of Hades' hand. "M—My name is Twilight Sparkle."

Smiling wickedly, he shook her forearm up and down and brought her to her hooves, patting her on the back. "Well then, unicorn horse-thingy, pleasure to meet you!"

"Unicorn horse-thingy?" Twilight muttered, shaking her head and rubbed her brow. "I am indeed a unicorn, but I'm not a 'horse-thingy.' I'm a pony."

"Ooh, a pony, huh?" Hades chuckled, his devilish grin near Twilight's muzzle as he leaned closer. The unicorn squeaked in surprise and fell backwards, the stranger's appearance frightening her once again. "Hey, hey, chill out. I ain't gonna hurt you..." A clattering sound beside him interrupted the Lord of the Dead.

Hades turned his attention to a small lizard creature, about as horribly purple colored as the unicorn, cowering before him with a pack held for protection between himself and the god. Rubbing the bottom of his lip while arching an eyebrow aimed at the dragon, he turned his head to Twilight and asked, "This your gecko?"

"He isn't a gecko. He's a dragon," Twilight nervously said, keeping a good distance away from Hades as she made her way to Spike and gently shook his shoulder. "Spike, it's okay. He isn't a threat... just really scary looking." Hades pouted at this comment.

Spike's eyes fluttered open as he stared at Hades, the God of the Underworld just grinning and waving happily at the small dragon. Gulping down his heart that was previously clogging his throat, he set his pack down and anxiously played with his claws. "I—I knew he wasn't that bad."

"Then why was your tail tucked between your legs?" the Lord of the Dead asked, inexplicably appearing behind the dragon.

Spike nearly jumped out of his skin, instead falling to his face while running forward, his belly dragging on the ground. A hoof holding him in place on his forehead from Twilight. The mare called out to Hades, "Hey, don't be mean like that! You scared Spike!"

"Scared? Nah, the kid's just excited is all," Hades laughed, lifting the dragon by his tail and bringing his upside down head to eye level. "Isn't that right, lizard boy?"

Spike disappeared in a flash of light, reappearing in another flash of bright, purple light atop Twilight's back, her horn glowing. "I think that's enough, Hades. Your appearance is... _unsettling_ to some ponies."

"Unsettling? Why, I never," Hades cried dramatically, clutching his heart. "I know many people don't like my skin color, teeth, robes, and even flames. But unsettling! That hurts me deeply..." Hades snapped his fingers a couple of times.

"Twilight," she said, face hoofing because she just told him her name not thirty seconds ago.

"Twilight, that really does hurt me deeply. Why, I don't know anything that could possibly make me feel better," Hades bemoaned, turning his back on the pair with his shoulders slumped and his skull basket dragging on the ground.

Twilight felt a twinge of sadness for the God of the Underworld, feeling somewhat responsible for his miserable mood. "Wait, Hades, don't go. It was wrong of Spike and me for insulting you like that. Please, stay," she said, a warm smile on her face.

Her assistant tugged at her hair, Spike's mouth near her ear as he said, "Twilight, we know nothing about this guy. He's not even a pony. Can we really trust him?"

"Spike, we already learned that lesson. Don't judge a book by its cover. Even if we know nothing about him, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt."

"_Hello_," Hades said, appearing in between the two while pointing to himself with both his fingers. "Lord of the Dead and God of the Underworld, right here. Isn't that explanation good enough for you guys?"

"Wait, did you say Lord of the Dead and God of the Underworld?" Twilight asked, a puzzled expression appearing on her face.

"The one and only," he said proudly, looking at his nails absently.

"Isn't Thanatos the God of the Dead?" she asked, her librarian prowess being put to use in the worst situation now.

Hades' evil, yellow eyes glared at the mare as his brow furrowed. "No, I am the God of the Dead, the Underworld, and everything that rots in a hole in the ground."

"I don't think so," Twilight mused, rubbing her chin with a hoof. Spike's eyes darted between the two as he desperately willed the unicorn to shut up. "I know from plenty of mythology that Thanatos is the God of Death, while Hades, or Pluto, as you're more commonly referred to, is the God of the Dead."

Hades' skin color began to rise higher and higher to a dangerous red, his blue flames becoming more yellow in appearance. "Thanatos is a demigod! A lowly lackey that works for **ME**! Not a God of Death!"

"Well, if I remember right, he is indeed the God of Death, while you just have the Lord title," Twilight pointed out. Spike just face palmed as Hades grew redder and redder, the temperature around them soon becoming sweltering. The pair began to back away just as Hades blew his top.

"**I AM THE GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD AND ALL WHO RESIDE IN IT, INCLUDING THE DEAD! WHICH AUTOMATICALLY MAKES ME THE GOD OF DEATH!**" he screamed, flames shooting off like fireworks as an inferno covered his body. For several seconds he remained like this until the flames died down to their usual blue. The God was now dusting off his robe and running a hand through his hair. "Okay, fine, fine. I'm cool. I'm fine," he assured.

Both Twilight and Spike were a good distance away, cowering in each other's arms with the unicorn's mane and coat slightly singed. Walking toward them while humming, he brought his skull basket to their eyes.

"Moving on, I need groceries. Know a place where I can get pudding?"

Sugarcube Corner came to mind, but Twilight instantly snuffed that plan out. Hades' temper nearly caused her to burn to a crisp. No way was she bringing him to an eating establishment where ponies could be potentially hurt. "Well, Hades, th—"

Twilight never got to finish her words as a rainbow streak zipped through the air high above them, dive-bombing toward the God of the Dead himself. Hades merely looked at Twilight, waiting for her to finish her sentence. "Hey, anyone else hear a bee or something?" he asked, his bony finger digging into his ear to clear some wax as the rainbow streak was nearly upon him.

"Take this, demon face!" the streak yelled, none other than Rainbow Dash as she impacted with Hades. And promptly phased through his back, Hades' robes and chest taking on a smoke like appearance as Rainbow Dash came out the other side of his chest, crashing into Twilight and Spike on the other side. The trio tumbled to the ground, with the cyan pegasus promptly landing on her face while Twilight was knocked on her back. Spike wasn't too far behind them, still spinning like a top on his head.

Struggling to her hooves, Rainbow Dash rubbed at the bump on her head and glared daggers at the Lord of the Dead. "Okay buster, no more Ms. Nice Mare! The gloves come off!"

"But you're not wearing gloves," Hades pointed out as Dash leaped forward like a rainbow colored rocket, her hoof preparing to embed itself in the God's long chinned face. Before her hoof ever could reach him he transformed his body into smoke, and he soon began to slither to the knocked out Twilight and Spike. Reforming near them, he said, "Really now, isn't this uncivil?"

"Eat hoof, flame head!" Dash yelled, answering his own question for him. However, before the hotheaded pegasus could make good on her promise, an aurora of purple magic created a force field around her, halting her attack. The source of this magic was Twilight, who had finally managed to drag her body back to her hooves after her previous incident with Dash.

"Rainbow Dash, you just don't attack random pon— I mean, people like that!" Twilight yelled at her friend, a disapproving glare on her face.

"But Twilight, he's evil! Just look at him! While I was flying around town, ponies were running and screaming everywhere! And when I got here, he was on fire!" Dash shouted back at Twilight, pointing an accusing hoof at the God of the Underworld. "Pure evil, right there!"

"What am I, chopped liver? I'm only three feet away!" Hades pointed out, his muscular arms folded as he furrowed his brow at the mare.

"That may be so. But we don't know if he's evil. So I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. And I would expect an Element of Harmony to do the same," Twilight said, a steely edge in her voice as she dismantled the force field.

Snorting one last time, Dash looked at the ground and ran a hoof through the dirt. Finally, she spoke. "Sorry, Twi."

"I shouldn't be the one you should be saying sorry to," Twilight replied, nudging Hades to get closer.

Sighing in annoyance, he walked over and reached out with his hand, saying quickly, "Hey, how ya doing? Name's Hades, Lord of the Dead and God of the Underworld and all that jazz."

Shooting a look at Twilight, Rainbow Dash laid her hoof in his palm and began to shake. "Rainbow Dash. Fastest flyer in Equestria."

"Oh my, how _impressive_," Hades replied, sarcasm dripping like venom from his voice. He dropped the handshake abruptly; he returned his attention to Twilight. "Now, about that pudding?"

"Pudding? There's some of that at Sugarcube Corner," Dash blurted out. Twilight face hoofed.

"Sugarcube Corner you say?" Hades asked, a devious smile on his long chinned face. "Well then, lead the way!" He pushed and prodded Dash to move to their new destination, imagining the sweet, chocolate taste already on his tongue. Twilight just followed with an unconscious Spike resting on her back, wondering why the day suddenly got so strange.


End file.
